aro and janey randomness
by alicecullenrocks888
Summary: This is a random story about aro and jane and the volturi blahblahblah. it includes other random characters that we know. it's rate T coz we're paranoid. first fanfiction, so pleaseplease review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a random story about Aro and the Volturi. This is done by aby and Chelsea (this is not the vampire guard) this is our first fanfic, so be nice and review(: you get cookies. ****(****((****maybe not)**

Aro: JANEY!! I FOUND SOMETHING REALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!! WANNA SEE?

Jane: no. I don't like bugs. Go away.

Aro: IT'S NOT A BUG! IT'S SOMETHING AS COOL!!!

Jane: i don't wanna see your new cookies.

Aro: THEY'RE NOT COOKIES! THEY'RE EVEN BETTER!

Alec: that's impossible! I wanna see!

Aro: OKAY!! ITS... A SKIRT! LOOKIES!! *holds up a pink glittery skirt covered in little tiaras, and on it is written "i'm a little princess!"*

Jane: that's my skirt! Give it back!! Meani!!

Alec: WOW! ARO! THAT'S SO COOL! LEMME TOUCH IT!

Jane: NOO!! ALEC, IF YOU TOUCH IT, I'LL BURN IT!

*alec slowly reaches out his index finger and touches it.*

Jane: NOOOOOOO!!!! MY FAVEOURITE SKIRT!!!!!!! AHHHH!!! Now i'll have to burn that skirt! *snatches the skirt and runs away, sobbing*

Aro: AWWW. I LIKED THAT SKIRT! JANEY!! CAN I HAVE THAT SKIRT IF YOU DONT WANT IT?!

Alec: NO ARO! IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-meanwhile-

Jane jumps into a hole, and ends up in Antarctica. Sees a random dude, pole-dancing with penguins and tigger.

Jane: TIGGER!! I THOUGHT YOU LEFT!!

Tigger: I did. But i came back to pole dance with penguins and amos.

Jane: who's amos?

The random dude: MEE!!!

Jane: you look retarded.

Amos: yes, i am.

Jane: it's pretty obvious. You look like my brother.

*Aro and Alec comes down the hole and sees Jane, Amos and Tigger*

Aro: PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!

*Jane looks at alec then looks back at amos*

Jane: on second thought, you are pretty normal.

*amos sobs*

Amos: HOW COULD YOU JANE?!?!

Jane: look at my brothers, you're not that bad.

Amos: good point. But still!! *sobs and runs away to his cave*

Tigger: weird... i thought that cave ran away...

-in the cave-

Amos: AHHH IM SO SAD!! IM DEPRESSED! AND I NEED TO ANNOUNCE THIS TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!

*starts crying uncontrollably and cries so much that he creates a flood and drownds-not drowns, because penguins can swim- all the penguins. And everyone hates him forever.*

**A/N: ok that's the end of the first chapter. We'll update soon. We're in class right now. That's why it's so short. We'll probably update during class again. Look out for more characters. ****You may not know them.**

**PS : amos is chelsea's friend. I have never met him, but credits to him!!!**

**PPS: review please???**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: this chapter is totally dedicated to our very unsupportive friends whom we will mention in the story. Ps, we are doing this during lunch so be thankful and REVIEW!!**

_In the pervious chapter, _

_Jane, Aro and Alec landed in antartica! _( to find out more, read the pervious chapter!)

-Chapter 2-

Jane: Lets go back home and forget about the retarded Amos here.

Aro: Okay

*jumps into a hole*

Alec : Wait… this isn't Volterra…

*sees sign that says 'WELCOME TO SINGAPORE!'*

Jane: Where the hell is Singapore??

*random girls walking towards them.*

Random girl 1: Shiny people…. Oooh!!

Random girl 2: I'm still in love with ryan tham.

Random girl one thinks: he'll never be yours. He's all MINE!!

Alec: Hey!!! Shiny is my favorite colour!

Jane: I think I just imprinted… (says in dreamy voice…)

Aro: Jane, you're… a vampire, HOW CAN YOU IMPRINT!!??

Jane: I don't know.

Alec: whatever. As long as I get the one that looks like a peanut.

*Random girl 2 looks up.*

Random girl 2: I'm not a peanut, im peaNAT!!

Alec: you're a hot peanat.

Random girl 2: sorry, I'm in love with someone else.

Random girl 1: shiny dude, there's something wrong with your eyes or your brain. I'm waaayyyyy hotter.

Aro: Well whats your name?

Random girl 1: Crystal

Random girl 2: Nat. so do you know where you're going?

Alec: no. we jumped in a hole and got here.

Nat: oh. That happens a lot. Especially to aliens. Like the guy I like.

Alec: oh. So, can you take us somewhere? It's weird standing in the middle of the road.

Crystal: OH OH LOOK!!! LOOK AT THAT!! LOOK AT WHAT ITS DOING!!!

*points at the sky and everybody looks up*

Crystal: OH OH!! IT'S A CLOUD…!!

Jane: that's so cute!! AWW!!

Crystal: I think I just wet myself.

Jane: that's some hot pee.

Crystal: I wonder how it tastes… hmmm..

*Crystal bends down and **CENSORED***

Alec: Cool!!!!!

*bends down and does the same.*

**A/N: THE NEXT PART IS CENSORED. SO WE SKIPPED THAT PART.**

-later in the hotel.

Ryan: hi nat! what are you doing in the hotel? And who is that?

**A/N: RYAN THAM CAME IN ABOUT 7 LINES BACK SO SINCE ITS CENSORED, WE DECIDED TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT HERE. SORRY, PLEASE CONTINUE.**

Nat: What are YOU doing here?

Ryan: Um… well, I had… uh… um…

Nat: Well, just because we're not going out doesn't mean that you can go snooping around behind my back!

Ryan: WHAT? I'M NOT SNOOPING AROUND BEHIND YOU!

*stomps back and into the lift*

Nat: Lets follow him!!

Alec: Yay!! I loooove spying!

-meanwhile-

Jane: Where is Crystal? I MISS HER! *wails*

Aro: Dude! You're not a wolf!! You can't imprint for heaven's sake!

Jane: ONE, IM A DUDETTE, NOT A DUDE. TWO, IM SPECIAL!!!! SO GET OVER IT!

Aro: STOP PICKING ON ME! I'M JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU HAVE THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE, OKAY?! ALL I HAVE IS SULPICIA!! *sobs loudly*

Jane: woah. Ok. Weird. Never mind. I so don't wanna know.

Aro: *sobs more*

-the spyingness-

Nat: RYAN THAM! DON'T FREAKIN WALK AWAY FROM ME! GET YOUR BLOODY ASS BACK HERE AND KISS ME!

Ryan Tham: MAN, I SO LOVE YOU! I JUST REALISED MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR YOU AND DUMPED THAT BIMBO I WAS GOING OUT WITH!!

*they run to each other and kiss passionately.*

Alec: nat??!! peanat??!! Pea-on-nat??!! how could you betray me? I thought what we had was special!!

Nat: mmhmmmhmmhmmhmhmmhmhm *too busy kissing ryan tham*

*ryan tham breaks the kiss for a while*

Ryan tham: stop stealing my girl!

Nat: he called me his girl!! *squeals hysterically*

Alec: ok. I understand that we've grown apart. It's not you, it's me.

Nat: whatever. I gotta go get a room. Doing this here, is just kinda weird. Cmon baby.

Ryan tham: she called me baby! *squeals hysterically*

*alec sobs louder*

Alec: your baby? What did I do wrong?

*nat and ryan ignore him and walk off to a room*

-back with jane-

Aro: JANEY!

Jane: don't. call . me. That.

Aro: JANEY!

Jane: forget it. Yeah?

Aro: WHERE IS YOUR IMPRINT?

Jane: oh, I'm so over her. Christine's like soooooo 3 hours ago.

Aro: crystal. Her name's crystal.

Jane: whatever.

Aro: well… um… I'm in love with you, janey

Jane: OMG I LOVE YOU TOO!

*they start kissing passionately and doing other stuff that is so wrong*

**A/N haha end of chapter! Longer than the first. It was done during lunch, and then Chelsea sent me the half done chapter and I did the rest. Anyway, ryan tham is like this guy from my primary school and nat used to like him. And nat is my friend. In my school now as well. And crystal is based on this girl called Nicole. Coz she is so unsupportive of this story. So, you guys out there please be supportive and review!! When I saw ****Manda123's review, i was so happy! Finally, someone i don't know reviewing(: so all of you, be nice people and review. Even if you hate the story. But please don't(: next chapter will be out hopefully before Monday. PS, Monday by Singapore time. Hehe. Coz we live in Singapore. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is like we're supposed to be in assembly but we're not coz we're so awesome. And it takes place in vivo city, they're still in Singapore, so if you live there you'll know that vivo city RULES!!! And this chapter is called Alec's great depression. *hint hint* and please review more!! Tell your friends, tell your friends' friends. Tell your friends' friends' friends. ( I could go on forever)**

**-**Chapter 3-

Alec: sigh

Aro: yes?

Alec: sigh sigh

Aro: what??

Alec: sigh sigh sigh

Jane: SHUT UP!

Alec: sigh sigh sigh sigh

Jane: UGH. BOYS ARE WORTHLESS!!!

Alec: *makes a high pitched whiny noise* cant you see I'm heart-broken?

Jane: can't you see I'm trying to kiss aro?

Aro: WHAT??!!

Jane: umm weren't we doing that for the past 3 hours?

Aro: THAT WAS WITH YOU??!!

Jane: WHAT DO YOU MEAN??!!

Aro: nothing. I just thought you were eating off my face…

Jane: how could you??!! What did I do wrong? I thought what we had was something special!

Aro: ssshhhhhh. It's not me, it's you.

*jane sobs hysterically*

Alec: janey dear, why can't you take break ups like me?

Jane: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BREAK UP?!

Aro: alec, you and nat were never together.

Alec: are you trying to make me feel better? Coz it's not working.

Aro: then it is working…

Alec: whatever. You know what would make you feel all better?

Jane: nothing.

Alec: CANDY!!!!!!!!!

Jane: I SAID NO-

*alec shoves a candy bar in her mouth*

Jane: YOU'RE SO RIGHT! YOU'RE THE BESTEST BROTHER IN THE WORLD!! I LOVE YOU ALEC!!!

Alec: JANEY! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK! OF COURSE I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!

*they all stop talking and eat candy from candy empire*

Aro: you do realize that all of this candy is gonna get puked up later?

Jane: umm…. Later?

Alec: it's sorta in 5 minutes…

Aro: RUN!!!

Alec: TO WHERE??!!

Aro: TO THE GAY DUDE'S HOUSE!

Jane: WHO'S THAT?!

Aro: WILL!!!!!!

Jane: oh. That guy.

Alec: yes. That guy. NOW RUN!!!!

*later at allsword park where will lives*

Aro: THERE'S HIS HOUSE!!

Jane: uh-oh. here it comes!!

Alec: GET IN HIS HOUSE!

*in will's house*

*janey mega pukes allover will and Tabitha on the couch who are making out*

Jane: that's better.

*aro and alec puke on them as well*

Will: WHAT?!

Tabitha: HUH?!

Will: what's this? It tastes like candy.

Jane: its vampire puke. Appreciate it.

Tabitha: I'm blank. Whats vampire puke?

Jane: its…. Vampire puke. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THAT? Stupid mortals.

Aro: what the hell were you doing on the couch?

Will: making out…

Alec: YOU WERE NOT! YOU WERE MAKING IN! NOW GET OUT!

Tabitha: whatever. Will we are so over.

Will: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*the three vampires go back to volterra, having found the right hole in will's toilet bowl*

**A/N **:** assembly just ended. Took us half an hour to write, though it was so short. And will and Tabitha are like these people that live in allsword park. Will likes Tabitha but Tabitha doesn't know. MWA HA HA. So review, cos we were nice enough to update it so quickly. Next chapter up by Wednesday, Singapore time. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: hey guys, y'all should be sooo happy that we always update before the time we say we will. Ok this idea came to me(aby) like when i got back from vivo, *SHOPPING* so hope you guys like it!!!**

Alec: finally, back in volterra, where we RULE THE COUNTRY!!

Aro: is volterra a country? Or is it a city?

Alec: hmm... interesting question indeed.

Jane: would you to shut up? The toilet bowl thing was torture enough. I'm getting a headache.

Aro: sorry to burst your bubble but,

Alec: BUBBLE? WHERE!! I WANT BUBBLE!

Aro: bubble is dead. I just burst him.

Alec: meani. *goes off and sulks in a corner*

Aro: so, as i was saying, vampires technically can't get headaches.

Jane: exactly.

Aro: um so does that mean you agree with me?

Jane: no. Ew. Never.

Aro: BUT... BUT... YOU HAVE TO!!! JANEY!!!

Jane: i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm being too rude. OVER MY PILE OF ASHES WILL I AGREE WITH YOU!

Aro: SEE THIS IS WHY YOU'RE GONNA LIVE AND DIE ALONE! Except for your hundred and thirty-two cats.

Jane: and that's a bad thing how?

*aro sobs and joins alec*

Jane: OH-EM-GEE! FINALLY TIME ALONE!! YESSS!!

--later that day...

Aro: JANEY! My birthday is coming up! I'm having a party!

Jane: aro, your birthday isn't until the 13th of November.

Aro: SO??!! I just want to celebrate my birthday!! Is that a problem?

Jane: yes.

Aro: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY NO AND FEAR ME!!!

Jane: i will not fear you.

Aro: let's try it again. FEAR ME!!!

Jane: no.

Aro: you're just heartless.

Jane: vampires don't have hearts.

Aro: exactly.

Jane: that means you're heartless too.

Aro: what?

Jane: didn't you hear me?

Aro: huh?

Jane: i said, you're heartless too!!!

Aro: ???

Jane: NEVER MIND!!! *stomps off angrily*

Aro: woah. Who spit in her cup today? *skips off to find alec*

Aro: la-dee-dah, ALEC!

Alec: il faut que je travaille je suis desolee. (sorry i'm studying)

Aro: huh?

Alec: I SAID, SORRY I'M STUDYING!!!

Aro: geez, what is up with everyone and their "i said" thing?? Anyway, why are you studying?

Alec: fun.

Aro: studying is never fun.

Alec: YES IT IS!!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! *pulls down imaginary blind*

Aro: *pulls up imaginary blind* i'm having a party, wanna help?

Alec: YEAHH!!! *gets up and crashes into imaginary door* oops. Forgot to open the door.

Aro: THERE'S A DOOR THERE??!! *waves his hand forward and backward in the space where the door is supposed to be*

Alec: the door's open douchebag. NOW COME ON!

--some time later...

Aro: okay, so the guest list. So far, we have THE VOLTURI GUARD AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO LIVED IN THE CASTLE.

Alec: well, that's a sucky guest list.

Aro: i know, right?

Alec: you mean, je sais, droit?

Aro: no i don't.

Alec: okay.

Aro: let's invite the cullens!

Alec: okay!!!

--on the phone with the cullens.

Edward: hello?

Alec: HI EDWARD!!!

Edward: alec?? Why are you calling?

Alec: to invite you to aro's birthday party!

Edward: aro's birthday is not until November 13th...

Aro from somewhere in the background: STOP JUDGING!!! EVERYONE'S A CRITIC!!! *sobs*

Alec: anyway, will you come?

Edward: NO!! It's probably some evil diabolical plan to capture and enslave all of us!!

Alec: what's enslave?

Edward: i have no idea. But it sounds cool.

Alec: okay... Aro's not gonna... ENSLAVE you. So like, chill dude.

Bella from somewhere in the background: eddy? Who is that?

Alec: EDDY??!! LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! And BELLA! ARO INVITED YOU TO A PARTY!!

Bella: PARTY??!! I'M SO THERE!!!!!!!

Alec: awesome. So i'll put that down as 8 people, unless renesmee's coming too?

Renesmee: I'M COMING!! MOMMY!!! I WANNA GO!! I WANNA GO!! LET ME GO!! PLEASE!!!!!! PLEASE!!!

Bella: okay, okay you can come.

Renesmee: BUT I WANT TO GO WITH JACOB!!!! AND THEN HE'LL WANNA GO WITH QUIL AND EMBRY AND SETH AND LEAH AND SAM AND JARED AND PAUL AND COLLIN AND BRADY, AND THEN CLAIRE AND KIM AND EMILY AND RACHEL WILL ALL WANNA COME!

Alec: sure, they can come.

All the werewolves, and imprints and bella and renesmee: YAY!

Edward: ugh.

Alec: BYE! SEE ALL OF YOU TOMORROW!

Edward: ok, WHATHEHELL HE DID NOT JUST HANG UP ON ME!

Bella: he hung up on you.

Edward: AHHHH!!

Bella: eddy, you freak out too much.

Edward: i know. AHHH!!!

--back to the volturi

Aro: so, we finally have a guest list.

Alec: YEAH!

Aro: well, i'm gonna go take a nap.

Alec: vampires can nap?

Aro: well, stephenie meyer never said they couldn't nap, only that they couldn't sleep.

Alec: yeah..... LET'S GO NAP!

--2 unsuccessful hours later

Aro: can't nap.

Alec: me neither.

Aro: so.

Alec: so.

Aro: i'm bored.

Alec: me too.

Aro: well, i think we should better get ready for the party.

Alec: ok.

**A/N like it? LOL. Ok i kinda ran out of inspiration at the end, so yeah... sorry. But still review. I LOVE ALL OF THE 13 REVIEWS I GOT!!! Lol, reviewers RULE! And maybe, you'll get invited to the party if you review....*hint hint*** ** plus it's 5 pages long, and like 800+words. Almost 900(:** **Okay, lets make it 900. So… la la la la la la la I give up. So please review and love it!! (oh and help guive inspiration!!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: okay so here is the continued chapter of chapter 4. (duh, if not chapter what?) so this scene is in Aro's birthday party. Like the one with the Cullens and stuff. If you wanna know, just read the previous chapter!**

Aro: YAY!! LETS GET PARTY HATS.

Alec: YAY! YOU WANNA COME JANEY????

Jane: No, leave me alone.

Alex: COME ON!! JANEY! WE KNOW YOU WANT TO!!

Jane: No, you don't know that I want to. And I don't want to

Alec: Fine, grumpy old person. Lets go Aro.

(Aro was chasing butterflies in the garden)

Alec: BUTTERFLIES!!

Jane: see? You get so distracted .

Aro: Grumpy old person!

(and then aro and alec ran off to get party hats. The jump into a hole and finds themselves in NTUC **A/N it's a Singapore version of walmart.)**

Aro: wow!!! Lookie! I WANNA GET THIS PARTY HAT!!

(holds up a party hat with a pink background and balloons that are blue and frilly things at the side.)

Alec: yeah I want that!

(some one stinky walks by. Alec and aro almost puked)

Aro: whats that pleasantly delightful stench?

Alec: ITS FROM THAT GUY!!

(That guy looks at goes up to him)

Aro: dude you need a bath. Does it hurt to take a bath? Cos you stink!

Alec: yeah I almost puked while smelling you!

(that dude walks away)

Aro: do you want us to go bulimic?

Alec: yeah and what if the whole world is like you?

Aro: yeah do you want the world to go bulimic?

Alec: yeah and then when we are bulimic, we puke and the whole world will have our acid waste

Aro: and the waste will kill the plants and then the cows will die because there will be no plants!!!

Alec: then when all the cows die, there will be no milk! And when there is no milk… THERE WILL BE NO COOKIES!

Aro: DO YOU WANT US TO BE COOKIE LESS??

Alec: who are we talking to?

Aro: we're talking to someone?

Alec: I don't know, I was asking you!

Aro: you confuse me in ways I do not understand. It's beyond my grasp of knowledge, like a butterfly-PIZZA!

Alec: butterfly pizza?

Aro: NO! LOOKEE PIZZA!

Alec: oh yeah, I ordered that for our party.

Aro: GREAT! CAN WE EAT PIZZA NOW?

Alec: NO! IT'S FOR THE PARTY!

Aro: FINE. BE THAT WAY.

Alec: I WILL.

*aro and alec stare each other down*

Edward: Well, if you two are done staring at each other, we're here!

Aro: for what?

Edward: your birthday party!

Aro: oh yeah!

Edward: genius.

Aro: yes, I know, thank you.

Edward: that was sarcasm- you know what?

Aro: no.

Edward: let me finish. You know what?

Aro: I said no.

Edward: LET ME FREAKIN FINISH NO INTERRUPTIONS!

Bella: Edward dear, we talked about this. Use your indoor voice. No screaming at the birthday boy.

Aro: FINALLY, someone gets me!

Edward: SHUT. UP. NOW.

Aro: NO. I'M THE BIRTHDAY BOY AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE SHUTTING UP.

Edward: UGH!

*bella steers Edward inside*

Aro: well, we should go in too.

Alec: indeed we shall.

*aro and alec link hands and skip inside, followed by the very confused cullens*

*the room is full of people, basically the volturi, the cullens and the extremely hot werewolves.*

Aro: everybody, let's dance!

Rabbid penguins: WE HAVE COME TO CRASH THIS PARTY.

Aro: who are you? Where did you come from?

Rabbid penguins: from the school of crescents. Now we shall introduce ourselves.

Abi

Aby!

Muddyy

Amruta

Cheryl

Angel

Anabelle

Calvina

Charmayne

Helen

Xin Hui

Connie…

Su Lynn

Nicole!

Pavithra

Kasthuri

Kylie

Pamela

Chelsea!

Cassandra

Xin Chen

Yong Qi

Lin

Hui yi

Mutiara

Natalie

Nathalie! (AKA PEANAT)

Shyartini

Syaza

Afiqah

Alicia

Mavis

Sandra

Heng Yong

Sharmaine

Kai Lin

Clarissa

Elisabeth

Gabrielle

Sarah

Aby: yeah that's all! And I'm the leader.

Chelsea: ahem.

Aby: I was getting to it! I'm the leader with Chelsea.

Chelsea: yeah. And you were not getting to it.

Aby: shut up.

*Chelsea sticks out her toungue*

*long pause*

Aro: so. Wanna join the party?

All the rabbid penguins: YEAH!

Nicole: omgsh, nat! look, hot werewolves!

Peanat: what? Huh? They're not hot. ryan tham is.

Nicole: you're hopeless.

The rest of the people in the room: YEAH!!

Nat: stop picking on me just coz im dating a chicken!!! *runs away and sobs in a corner*

Alec: WAS THAT PEANAT?

Jane: PEANAT? THAT MEANS CRYSTAL'S HERE SOMEWHERE!

Nicole: yeah, janey, about that, my name's actually Nicole. I lied earlier. You're not supposed to tell stranger's your real name.

Aro: back up a second. Jane, why aren't you yelling at Nicole or crystal or whatever she calls herself, for calling you janey? BIAS.

Jane: she's damn hot, that's why.

Aro: she? Hot? *blanches*

Jane: SHUT. UP. She's so perfect.

Nicole: um. Ew. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm straight. Except for my hair.

Jane: so can I date your hair?

Nicole: I'm sorry, but it's taken. By my straightener.

Jane: WHY WON'T ANYONE DATE ME?! *runs off and sobs with peanat*

Alec: nobody wants to date you because you SUCK. So there.

Jane: YOU'RE SO MEAN! LET ME CRY IN MY CORNER!

Alec: fine…

Aro: well everybody, time to eat pizza!

*everybody rushes over and eats pizza*

Edward: LET'S DANCE!

Bella: Edward, are you okay?

Edward: I AM NOT! I AM HYPEREEEE!

Bella: what's hypereee?

Edward: GO LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY!

Bella: um. Ok?

Bella: it's not in there.

Edward: THE DICTIONARY SUCKS! *takes the dictionary and throws it across the room, the dictionary hits charmayne on the head*

Charmayne: OW!!!

Edward: SHUT IT! WHINER!

*charmayne is very pissed now*

Charmayne: YOU DID _NOT_ JUST THROW A DICTIONARY AT MY HEAD!

The rest of the people in the room: YES HE DID!

Charmayne: WELL WHO ASKED YOU?! AND I DON'T WANNA KNOW! SHUT YOUR GAP!

Edward: I don't have a gap.

*charmayne takes the dictionary and throws it at Edward*

Edward: woah. she has anger issues.

Charmayne: SHUT UP!!! *runs off and sobs with jane and peanat.*

Jane: woah. this corner is getting cramped.

Edward: COME ON PEOPLE, LET'S DANCE!

Aro: not such a good idea now.

Edward: WHY NOT?

Aro: well... vampires aren't supposed to eat human food.

Alec: uh-oh.

Aro: TO WILL'S HOUSE!

*all the vampires jump into the nearest hole in the floor*

Rabbid penguins: woah.

Werewolves: exactly.

Abi: you guys took the words outta my mouth.

Werewolves: huh??

Abi: nothing. Let's go to the vampire puke scene.

--with the vampires…

*the vampires burst through the door. Will is sitting on the couch, going through photographs, sobbing*

Aro: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Will: GAH!! Oh, it's you again. And like 80 others. Oh well. If you must know, I'm look at photographs of me and Tabitha.

Alec: dude. She never liked you. Get over it.

Aro: uh-oh. IT'S COMING!

*all the vampires puke together, all over will*

Will: NO!!! THE PHOTOGRAPHS! THEY'RE MELTING, THEY'RE MELTING!!!

Aro: well, that's good. Woah. that's a lot of puke. Ugh. This place stinks. Will, you should really think about cleaning this up. And investing in some air freshener.

Alec: a LOT of air freshener.

Will: GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE. NOW.

Aro: ok, ok, geez someone spit in your cup today?!

Alec: anger issues.

Will: GET LOST!!! *half sobbing*

*all the vampires jump into the toiletbowl*

--back in volterra

Aro: back home. At last!

Alec: indeed.

Jane: oh, hey, you guys are back. Everyone left coz the party got too boring.

Aro: NOOO!! MY PARTY WAS A FLOP! *runs off and sobs with peanat and charmayne*

Peanat: get out.

Charmayne: only girls are allowed.

Aro: FINE!

**A/N ok, hope that you enjoyed, hehe, quite long. Took up 8 pages. Yay(: lol. So review(: pwease? Would've loved to make it longer, but aby's com is dying (did most of it on Aby's com), and you can't charge while using it in school. Hehe. REVIEW(: **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N hey guys, we're back with another chapter! Sorry about the long time no updates. But nobody's reading or reviewing!!! Ahhh please read and review! It was Chelsea's birthday on the 1****st****, so as a birthday present, REVIEW(: haha. Nahh just kidding, but please review. Check out our other story too, which has got a lot of alerts (whatever they are) but no reviews. And that sucks. And review here too! We LOVE** **reviewers(:**

Aro: JANEY! DO YOU LIKE BALLOONS?

Alec: BALLOON?! I WANT BALLOON!

Jane: weirdos. And no, i don't like balloons. They're too childish.

Aro and Alec: THEY ARE NOT!

Jane: yes they are.

Aro: well, too bad. i booked a hot air balloon for us to go on.

Jane: you WHAT??!!

Alec: HE SAID, HE BOOKED A HOT AIR BALLOON FOR US TO GO ON!!!

Jane: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.

Alec: then why did ya ask? Girls are weird.

Jane: shut up. I'm not going on the hot air balloon even if my life depends on it.

Aro: Jane, how much do you weigh?

Jane: i dunno, like fifty kilograms?

Aro: we can take her.

Jane: WHAT NO!!

Alec: Let's go janey.

*aro and alec knock dear janey out and carry her to the hot air balloon*

-- at the hot-air balloon—

*jane wakes up*

Jane: hey where am I?

Aro: in the balloon

Alec: BALLOON?! WHERE? I WANT BALLOON!

Aro: We're in the balloon idiot!

*Whacks Alec on the head* *Alec sobs runs to the other end of the balloon basket*

Jane: I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING ME UP HERE! YOU EGGHEADS!

Aro: What? You did say nothing janey.

Jane: DO NOT CALL ME JANEY AND YES I TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU KNOCKED ME OUT WITH… what did you knock me out with?

Aro: … I better not say.

(Jane grips his neck)

Jane: say before I tighten my grip

Aro: Alec's sock…

Jane: shit you stole a sock from Alec's sock land?

Aro: Actually the sock slide…

Jane: I BUILT THE FREAKIN SOCK SLIDE! I HATE YOU!

Aro: WELL, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE SOCK SIDE! STOP PICKING ON ME! *sobs and runs to the other side of the balloon basket and sobs with alec*

Jane: I'm still very pissed with you.

*a bird flies through the hot air balloon, and shits right above jane*

Aro: HAAAAAA HAAAAA!

Jane: OH-EM-GEE! BIRD SHIT! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF! NOW! EW! *tries to get it off*

Alec: lemme try. *tries to get the shit off*

Alec: it's stuck.

Jane: STUCK?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN STUCK??!!

Alec: stuck. _Adjective_. [not before noun] 1. If something is stuck it cannot move. 2. If you are stuck, you cannot get away from a boring or unpleasant situation. 3. _Informal_. If you are stuck, you cannot continue with something because it is too difficult. 4. _Informal_. To have something that you do not want.

Jane: I KNOW WHAT STUCK IS!

Alec: then, why did you ask?

Jane: SHUT. THE. HELL. UP.

Aro: tsk tsk, such vulgar language.

*jane grabs a passing bird, and holds it over aro's head*

Jane: come on, shit, come on birdie, just shit like there's not tomorrow, which there won't be coz im hungry. So shit while you have the chance.

Alec: um jane? What are you doing?

Jane: What does it look like i'm doing?

Aro: Trying to make a bird shit above my head?

Jane: exactly.

Alec: oh... i knew that. Haha.

Aro: suuuree you did.

Alec: yeah, i did!

Jane: both of you, just shut up. Ok?

Aro: no!

Alec: ye-NO!

Aro: Alec. Did. You. Almost. Say. Yes?

Alec: ye-no...

*aro jumps on alec's back and starts hitting him on the head with cheese*

Jane: where did you get cheese from?

Aro: my pants! I always leave some there in case i get hungry.

Jane: do i want to know?

Alec : YES!!! *chokes like crazy*

Aro: YOU FEEL THE PAIN?? DO YOU FEEL THE PAIN??

Alec: YES! I FEEL THE PAIN!!!

Aro: oh, okay then. *gets off*

*alec looks at aro with a quizzical expression on his face*

Alec: what?

Aro: huh?

Alec: seriously?

Aro: yes...

Jane: whut?

Aro: huh?

Alec and jane: WHAT??!!

Alec: JINX JANEY, YOU OWE ME A SODA!

Aro: but you don't like soda...

Alec: i know. But jauge does. **(A/N JAUGE=DIP STICK IN FRENCH)**

Aro: who's jauge?

Alec: did i say jauge? I meant...

Aro and jane: JAUGE.

Aro: JINX JANEY YOU OWE ME A SODA!

Jane: shut up. I'm not giving anyone a soda.

Aro: we'll talk about your ODD (obsessive defiant disorder) later.

*jane sticks out her tongue*

Jane: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!

*aro leans out and catches jane*

Jane: that doesn't count, i'm technically dead.

Aro: *ignores jane* ANYWAY, alec, who's jauge?

Alec: well, you remember that one night when you guys ditched me?

Aro: yes.

Jane: no.

Alec: yeah, that night. And then, i kinda had a one night stand.

Aro: YOU

Jane: WHAT?!

Alec: well, a one night stand is...

Aro: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!

Alec: then why did you ask?

Aro: correction. Jane asked.

Jane: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS OKAY?! SO JAUGE IS YOUR... KID? EW!

Alec: yeah. Jauge is my kid. And Will.

Aro: OH-MY-FREAKIN-GOSH. YOU'RE GAY??

Alec: i'm not gay. I'm a girl.

Jane: WHAT?! AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?! OR MOM?! OR DAD?!

Alec: Nope.

Aro: wait. Doesn't will like Tabitha?

Alec: he said that he did. But he loves me now.

Aro: EW.

Alec: but, sadly, he left.

Aro: where?

Alec: i have no idea.

Aro: so, a guy who said that he loves you just up and left and you have no idea where he is?

Alec: yeah.

Aro: and you're okay with it...

Alec: pretty much.

Aro: never mind.

Alec: mind what?

Aro: nothing.

Jane: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ALEC, BE A DUDE ONCE AGAIN!

Alec: i was never a dude. Always a girl.

Aro: did jane just say... dude??

Jane: i can say dude if i want to...

Aro: uh... well...

Alec: NO YOU CAN'T!

Jane: why not?

Alec: BECAUSE.

*long pause*

Alec: YOU'RE A RETARD!

Jane: wow. You just realised?

Alec: yeah.

Jane: you're slow...

Alec: and you're mean.

Jane: i repeat. You just realised?

Alec: i repeat too. You're not the only one that can do that. Yeah.

Jane: wow. Slow.

*alec sticks her tongue out*

Aro: um guys? Did you think about how we're gonna get down?

Alec: YEAH. WE JUMP!

Jane: isn't that gonna hurt?

Alec: we're vampires. So, NO.

Aro: GREAT! JANEY, YOU FIRST!

*lifts jane up and throws her over*

Jane: WHAT?? NOOO!!!

*aro and alec jump off next*

Aro: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Alec: THIS IS FUN!

Jane: I HATE YOU GUYS!

Aro: i love you too mommy!

Jane: your mommy's dead.

Aro: YOU KILLED HER?? HOW COULD YOU?

Jane: um. I didn't kill her.

*aro sobs*

*BANGGGGGG!!!!!*

Alec: see i told you it wouldn't hurt.

Aro: you're right.

Jane: OW.

Aro: jane, you have issues.

Jane: your mom has issues.

Alec: his mom's dead.

Jane: shutup.

Alec: wateva.

Jane: don't you wateva me!

Alec: whatever.

Jane: now that i'm okay with.

Aro: you guys are weird... AWESOME!

Jane: thank you!

Aro: not you.

Alec: THANK YOU!

Aro: not you either.

Alec: then who?

Aro: MEEEEE!

**A/N woah. Who knew aro could be so self-centered. LOL. Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter, and even if you didn't just REVIEW and tell me what you think. If you liked it REVIEW too. Just to, you know, make myself clear. If you review, you get brownies. And who doesn't like brownies? IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, TELL ME IN A REVIEW(:**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N been a long time, huh? Anyway, i've been busy with my seth story (please check it out) and chelsea's been doing her chuck story (check that out too). Anyway, ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

**Disclaimer: do not own twilight, blah blah blah.**

**Chapter SEVEN**

Aro: Well, it's the seventh chapter.

*silence*

Aro: Alec? We rehearsed this! Why are you ignoring me?

Alec: i'm pissed.

Jane: aww. The wittle giwly is pissed.

Alec: shut up.

Jane: okay, so little girly AKA alec, why are you so pissed?

Alec: the title of this story... DOESN'T INCLUDE ME!

Jane: huh?

Alec: the title of this story is ARO and JANEY randomness. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

Jane: oh yeah, about that...

Aro: A huge dinosaur came and ate your name.

Alec: WHAT?

Aro: yeah! I named him muffins!

Alec: muffins?

Aro: MUFFINS!

Muffins: greetings vampires.

Alec: YOU ATE MY NAME?

Muffins: indeedy i did. Do you have a problem with that? *glares at alec wevilly* **(A/N combination of weird and evil)**

Alec: No nice dinosaur. *runs off sobbing*

Aro: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *screams like a little girl*

Jane: is the whole world turning girly?

Aro: CHUCK IS DYING! AHHHH GO VOTE NOW! KEEP IT! GO TO **(A/N seriously, just go. chelsea's obsession. JUST GO AND VOTE TO KEEP IT! And its really nice of Aby to let me do this ****)**

Jane: uh-huh.

Aro: GO NOW!

Jane: okay, okay i'm going, i'm going!

*jane goes and votes*

Aro: okay!

Jane: That's all. No thank you?

Aro: nope, not really.

Jane: UGH. Forget it.

Aro: okay. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING.

Jane: SHUT. UP.

Aro: then how am i supposed to forget?

Jane: DO IT SILENTLY!

Aro: do it? But i thought you wanted me to forget?

Jane: GO AND FORGET SILENTLY!

Aro: okay! *whispers* FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING. FORGETTING.

Jane: perfect.

Aro: thank you!

Jane: that was sarcasm.

Aro: oh.

*awkward silence*

Muffins: I LIKE COWS!

Aro: yeah i know, right? They're so cute and it's fun tipping them over!

Muffins: YEAH! And you can hear the milk sloshing around in their bodies!

Jane: no you can't.

Muffins: well, someone has terrible hearing.

Jane: WHAT? NO I DONT!

Muffins: *cough*

Jane: whatever.

Muffins: *sticks out tongue*

Jane: you're a dinosaur. You're not allowed to stick out your tongue!

Muffins: oh puh-lease. I am so allowed.

Jane: wanna bet?

Muffins: SURE!

Jane: okay, if you lose, you owe me three teddy bears.

Muffins: if you lose, you owe me four of your nicest dresses.

Jane: but... but... you're a dinosaur! You don't need dresses!

Muffins: are you scared to lose your dresses?

Jane: no!

Muffins: well...

Jane: deal.

Muffins: GREAT!

Jane: well then.

Muffins: TO THE INTERNET!

*on the internet*

Jane: woah.

Muffins: woah!

Jane: !

Muffins: YEAH! YOU OWE ME 4 DRESSES, SUCKER!

Jane: you're just out to get me! *sobs and runs*

-in jane's bedrrom-

Jane: don't worry sweethearts. I won't let muffins hurt you!

Muffins: JANE! HAND OVER THE DRESSES. NOW.

Jane: sorry darlings!

*muffins takes the dresses and eats them*

Jane: WHY DID YOU EAT THE DRESSES! DRESSES ARE MEANT TO BE WORN! FOOD IS MEANT TO BE EATEN! LET'S GO THROUGH IT AGAIN. DRESSES, WEAR. FOOD, EAT.

Muffins: what? I was hungry...

Jane: I HAT YOU!

Muffins: you hat me?

Jane: THAT WAS A TYPO!

Muffins: there is no typo in speaking.

Jane: WELL, THE AUTHOR MADE A TYPO!

Muffins: still. HAT?

Jane: I HAT YOU!

Muffins: awww i hat you too!

Jane: EVEN THE AUTHOR IS OUT TO GET ME! UGH!

Muffins: ?

Jane: NEVER. MIND. IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, I'LL BE IN MY ROOM. *storms off angrily*

Jane: *returns after 5 seconds*

Jane: this is my room. so GET OUT!

Muffins: but... but... i need you!

Jane: for what?

Muffins: i don't know! I'm bored!

Jane: well, go be bored somewhere else.

Muffins: okay! *takes on step forward*

Muffins: i'm bored!

Jane: I mean somewhere else not my room!

Muffins: Uh-oh, I think I feel your dresses are coming back up…

Jane: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO NOT MY ROOM! WILL'S HOUSE! TO THE HOLE!

Muffins: GOOOOOOOO!

*both of them try to get into the hole but got stuck as they jumped at the same time.*

Jane: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOUR'E TOOO FAT! GET OUT AND LET ME THROUGH FIRST!

Muffins: I CAN'T IDIOTO.

*then the hole expands magically*

*Not really, it just broke*

*they land in Will's house but he isn't there!*

Jane: He isn't here!

Muffins: Duh, didn't you hear the author say it?

Author (Chelsea and Aby): Yeah, meani, you sooo copied us.

Jane: NOOOOOOOO! IM ORIGINAL!

Author: If you're original, then i'm the queen of Lettleland.

Jane: where's lettleland?

Author: I don't know! Nobody's left it for years!

Jane: Oh. Okay.

Author: indeedyz.

*awkward silence*

Muffins: COW!

Author: MOO!

Muffins: MOO!

Author: COW!

Muffins: COW!

Author: MOO!

Muffins: MOO!

Author: COW!

Muffins: COW!

Author: MOO!

Muffins: MOO!

Author: COW!

Muffins: COW!

Author: MOO!

Muffins: MOO!

Author: COW!

Jane: WOULD YOU TWO STOP IT?

Author: fine.

Muffins: whatever. It's boring here. Let's leave.

Jane: yeah. I've been wanting to do that for a long time.

*they jump into the toiletbowl*

*muffins' phone rings*

Muffins: hello?

*inaudible speaking*

Muffins: WHAT? Ditchers!

*more inaudible speaking*

Muffins: Okay, fine. Be that way. *ends the call*

Muffins: the piglets are going to vegas.

Jane: WHAT? THEY CAN'T GO TO VEGAS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PIGLETS THERE?

Muffins: they give them a million dollars and treat them to everything they want.

Jane: EXACTLY! THEY DIDN'T INVITE US!

Muffins: we're not piglets anyway.

Jane: hehehehehe *evil look*

Muffins: oh no.

*a few hours later*

Muffins: this will never work.

Jane: stop being such a pessimist!

Muffins: that's me!

*at the vegas hotel*

Muffins: isway isthay ethay egasvay otelhay? (is this the vegas hotel? In pig latin)

Random dude in a tux: esyay itway isway. iway eesay ouyay othbay areway igspay, omfray ethay anguagelay andway ouryay ookslay (yes it is. i see you both are pigs, from the language and your looks)

Muffins: oui (French for yes)

Random dude in a tux: FRENCH? YOU TWO ARE NO PIGS!

Jane: you blithering _idiot!_

*the random dude in a tux finds the zippers of the pig costumes muffins and jane are eating and rips off the costumes.

Jane: well, you should not have done that. *pounces on the dude and drinks his blood*

Muffins: well, i told you it wouldn't work.

**A/N you know what im gonna say. REVIEW! Please?**


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